Dear President Putin:
I write with the greatest of respect and sorrow to inform you that your gamble in Ukraine has failed and you have lost a strategic battle. How do I know? Well, UK Admiral Tony Radakin, the head of the UK’s Armed Services says so. Here is what he said:
Admiral Sir Tony Radakin said Russia was suffering heavy losses, running out of troops and advanced missiles and would never be able to take over all of Ukraine.
“This is a dreadful mistake by Russia. Russia will never take control of Ukraine,” Tony Radakin told PA Media in an interview published on Friday.
The country’s highest-ranking military officer said the Russian president, Vladimir Putin, had lost 25% of Russia’s land power for only “tiny” gains and it would emerge a “more diminished power” while strengthening Nato. . . .
“The Russian machine is grinding away, and it’s gaining a couple of – two, three, five – kilometres every day,” the admiral said.
“And Russia has vulnerabilities because it’s running out of people, it’s running out of hi-tech missiles.
“President Putin has used about 25% of his army’s power to gain a tiny amount of territory and 50,000 people either dead or injured. Russia is failing.”
If Admiral Tony says it is true you can take it to the bank. I mean, who can deny the British victory at Dunkirk and their smashing successes in quelling the natives in India, Iraq and Afghanistan. Not to be presumptive Mr. Putin, but when Russia comes to grip with the mighty military prowess of the United Kingdom, I can understand why you will quiver in your snow boots.
Oh sure, just because you now control the areas of Ukraine that produce the bulk of its grain exports, does not mean that you can remain a big player in grain exports (notwithstanding the fact that your country is the 7th largest grain producer in the world). And ditto for your vast reserves of oil and gas. I hear that the Europeans are quite prepared to burn cow and sheep dung to stay warm rather than submit to the indignity of buying your gas and paying rubles.
And speaking of rubles, do you not realize that no one wants your ruble? Joe Biden told me that your ruble is rubble, so it must be true. Biden is known for his veracity. You are acting as if the ruble is stronger now than at the start of your special military operation. That is delusional sir.
And how do you hope to continue to produce new missiles and rockets and other munitions to replace the hundreds of thousands you have fired so far? You act as if Russia is a major manufacturing/industrial center that does not depend on foreign exports to sustain itself. Just because your country is the major exporter of critical minerals and metals that the United States and Europe need to make everything from catalytic converters to computer chips, does not give you the upper hand.
Do you not remember how the United States could no longer make the rocket engines required to carry astronauts to the International Space Station and found an outside provider? See, the west always has some dandy alternatives. You act as if Russia was building those rocket engines and we in the west know that cannot be true because, speaking frankly now sir, you Russians are a bunch of vodka soaked, illiterate peasants.
The fact that you require your students to take three times the number of courses in mathematics, physics, chemistry and biology is further proof of Russia lagging behind the west. See, we understand what is really important. First, small children need to understand there is no such thing as male and female. Once they understand that they do not have to waste their time learning about chromosomes. Men get pregnant and need tampons (though a shortage of those has cropped up). Second, we believe deeply in promoting racial division based on the pigment of someone’s skin. You crazy Russians operate under the delusion that national unity is something important. Not here. We have come to understand that we need to destroy our heritage and recreate something new, which includes recognizing there are at least 72 genders.
And why waste time teaching advanced math skills like calculus. We realize that keeping a majority of our black youths illiterate but capable of making change for a $100 dollar bill when they sell an ounce of crack or meth, is far more important then equipping them with skills that would allow them to live as free men and women. Our government knows what is best for them.
You claim to have a modern military, but you lack the legion of lobbyists working for defense firms that supply us with the know how to produce $600 toilet seats. That is a skill you Russians certainly lack. You do not give your Generals and Admirals the opportunity to whore themselves in the private sector and become rich selling useless weapon systems. If you would simply follow our system you would not have the problem with corruption that weakens Russia. Just look at Washington, DC and the surrounding suburbs in Maryland and Virginia. They are the wealthiest counties in the country and they do not actually manufacture anything.
And you should take no comfort in the fact that the U.S. military services are failing dramatically to attract new recruits. We have an excellent reserve force of proven killers. They inhabit our major cities and hone their firearm skills by regularly conducting ambushes and attacks. People worried about rising crime rates in the United States are just stupid. They value personal safety over being willing to sacrifice that safety so that our criminal gangs can engage in live fire operations in real urban centers. Can’t get better training than that. Just ask your Chechen lads who took out our Nazi friends in Mariupol.
Volodya–mind if I call you Volodya, Vladimir?–you need to face the facts that NATO is a military powerhouse. Yeah, I saw your Minister of Defense briefing today. In case you are too busy sobbing over your impending defeat, let me summarize the highlights:
High-precision air and ground weapons (https://t.me/mod_russia_en/2262) in the areas of Kremenchug and Lisichansk have destroyed technological facilities for oil refining and fuel storage intended to supply Ukrainian military equipment in Donbass. Russian air defence means have shot down 1 Ukrainian Su-25 aircraft near Kamyshevakha and 1 Mi-24 helicopter of the Ukrainian Air Force near Arkhangelsk in Donetsk People’s Republic.
High-precision air and ground weapons in the areas of Kremenchug and Lisichansk have destroyed technological facilities for oil refining and fuel storage intended to supply Ukrainian military equipment in Donbass.
💥High-precision air-based missiles have hit 12 firing positions of AFU artillery and mortar units, including 4 platoons of Grad multiple-launch rocket systems near Avdeevka, Keramik and Zhelannoe and 4 platoons of M777 155-mm howitzers near Lastochkino, Ochertino, Vodyanoe and Zhelannoye in Donetsk People’s Republic.
✈️💥Operational-tactical and army aviation have hit 62 areas of AFU manpower and military equipment concentration.
▫️The attacks have resulted in the elimination of more than 160 nationalists, 1 Buk-M1 surface-to-air missile system near Kamyshevakha in Lugansk People’s Republic, 5 Grad multiple rocket launcher vehicles, 6 tanks and other armoured combat vehicles, 8 field artillery guns, 6 special-purpose vehicles and 3 ammunition depots near Tsapovka in Kharkov Region and Lisichansk in Lugansk People’s Republic.
💥Russian air defence means have shot down 1 Ukrainian Su-25 aircraft near Kamyshevakha and 1 Mi-24 helicopter of the Ukrainian Air Force near Arkhangelsk in Donetsk People’s Republic.
▫️Also 8 Ukrainian unmanned aerial vehicles have been shot down near Borovenka in Lugansk People’s Republic, Chernobaivka in Kherson Region, Sukhaya Kamenka, Malaya Kamyshevakha, Zabavnoe in Kharkov Region, and Gulyaipole in Zaporozhye Region, including 1 Bayraktar-TB2 near Kherson.
In addition, 4 Ukrainian Tochka-U ballistic missiles have been intercepted naer Stakhanov, Kalinovo, Almaznoe in Donetsk People’s Republic, as well as 24 Uragan multiple-launch rockets over Donetsk, Yasynuvataya, Verhnetoretskoe, Luganskoe, Novoaleksandrovka in Donetsk People’s Republic, Zolotoe, Popasnaya in Lugansk People’s Republic, Izium, Russkie Tishki and Malye Prokhody in Kharkov Region.
💥Missile troops and artillery have hit 180 areas of manpower and military equipment concentration, 16 command posts and 32 firing positions of AFU artillery units.
▫️The attacks have resulted in the elimination of more than 310 nationalists, 10 tanks and other armored fighting vehicles, 3 Grad multiple rocket launchers, 9 field artillery mounts and 14 special vehicles.
Volodya!! For the love of God. You have got to stop using all of your advanced missiles to destroy Ukrainian personnel and weapons. You are going to run out (aren’t you?). In any event, I hope this missive speaks to your heart and convinces you that all is lost and that Russia’s only option is to submit itself to western authorities. I understand that Admiral Rachel Levine is prepared to accept your surrender.
Good satire. Too bad the reality of the subject is so sad
This is hilarious. Great job!
My only fear is that somebody stumbling on this blog by accident may take some parts of this article literally, and go away convinced that Russia is indeed losing the war. And that will be picked up by the mainstream media, who can then say, “See that? Even this pro Russian is now admitting that Russia is losing.”
only fools would think LJ’s post is pro russian as opposed to giving real factual info on the ukraine SMO they cant find on western MSM.
Thanks you for giving me my first laugher this mornig. I nearly spat out my coffee.
I love the humor.
Larry Johnson says
Thanks. I think humor is the best way to attack these pompous asses.
i read somewhere that there are 2 moments in time when vast fortunes can be made………at the start of a nations rise to greatness and power (china 2000-2xxx) and at the end as it begins to die.
clearly russia in the 1990’s is testament to the latter and perhaps the usa in 2022-202x is an analogue.
i wish you were wrong!
I wish that were true… we’ve been memeing against them pretty hard for over a decade now to no avail.
To Larry Johnson,
This is off-topic:
My deepest condolences to you on the loss of your mother. May her memory be eternal and one of perpetual light. She fostered an intellectual man who sought out Truth and now she smiles on you, knowing that you will continue your good work.
Respectfully yours until the End of Time…
I don’t think a lot of these Washington types are the sorts of people that understand humor and satire. They probably believe a Modest Proposal was a how to guide.
lol, Great read.
That thing in the picture… 🤢 🤮
Never underestimate the power of ridicule.
Bravo. Sharing the link widely.
Something nice to laugh at before tackling the final chapter in Andrei’s book. Not many chuckles there unless you are Russian.
On a related note, according to yet another retired lite colonel working for a UK think tank Ukraine had 250,000 troops and called up 450,000 reserves to take on the 200,000 Russians. You would have thought the war would have been over already with numbers like that.
“There is no exact ammunition consumption data available for the Russia–Ukraine conflict. ” says said analyst, who then goes on to project just what that usage has been.
“The winner in a prolonged war between two near-peer powers is still based on which side has the strongest industrial base. ”
What an insight, though I thought NATO wasn’t actually at war. Further reports elsewhere are that Ukraine didn’t start significant artillery ammo production until 2018. I wonder what was using it up to need restocking, or were they planning something with artillery that required a stockpile? On completely unrelated news the Biden Administration is reportedly set to order the Lake City armunition plant run by Winchester not to sell 5.56 ammo to the public. It currently provides almost a third of the civilian ammunition market in that and .223 calibur, among the most popular in the US. I wonder how much small arms ammo Ukraine makes?
I read some of the articles at the rusi.org site. I urge other readers not to do so, it is a complete waste of time. They are still claiming that Russia is losing! And that Ukraine can win a prolonged war of attrition! They are living in an alternate universe.
As the old saying goes. “Nothing is impossible to those who don’t have to do it.”
Michael Murry says
From Michael Tracey’s Twitter feed – @mtracey:
Amazing! Russia supposedly “hacked” the entire US federal government but never got around to “hacking” a few electoral jurisdictions in Wisconsin, Arizona, and Georgia such that their Puppet President could receive another four years to carry out a pro-Kremlin geopolitical agenda.”
In other words:
funny read , its almost if the west aka NATO aka neocon focus too much on their narrative-shaping media war and not focusing on the real war. Days of endless propaganda denigrating russian performance in the SMO didnt seem to bear fruit of victory on the ground. Massive anti russia hate whipped up in the western sheep population didnt seem to make a dent in russian armor. Millions of western sheeple believein ukraine war is heroic struggle of the people against orcs didnt bear any fruit except cognitive dissonace.
what the the purpose of the whole propaganda campaign when it is now revealed all these western officials just claiming nonsense ? Is it a test for the whole western civilization (where this propaganda was directed)? to see if the western people as guillible as their govt think ?
Carl Schurz says
good morning from Germany. Satire makes it easier to deal with some madness, especially institutional madness. Thanks for this refreshing contribution.
When I read the Brit’s statements yesterday, I couldn’t help but smile and immediately had to think of the British and Polish victory reports that were spread two days before the end of the German-Polish War in September 1939. That’s propaganda. The sad thing is that after all these decades and events, there are still too few of my contemporaries critically questioning the reports in the media. These people act like animals in a zoo just waiting to be fed. Any autonomy and individuality has withered away like a plant in the desert. It’s about time it rained again.
D.E. Murray says
I’ve heard that Germany is firing up its coal plants. They are going to import Russian coal.
U.N. OUT OF USA says
Who says the Russians would sell them coal??? Why would the Russians let Germany out of their uncomfortable self-inflicted circumstance??
Wasnt it Rumsfield who more or less said :
we are an empire, we create reality…
Here the Green party in Germany is creating satire, too. . . .
Carl Schurz says
Coal from Russia? We do not need. We have everything we need for safe energy production (electricity) below the surface of the earth, gas, hard coal, lignite. The promotion here in Germany is only more expensive than the Russian imports. However, since 1980 there has been a green party that has been leading the “romantic” Germans – (is a bad German disease that clogs the reason-based channels in the brain) – by the nose. Back then, when I was still at school, it was clear to almost everyone that the crocheting Greens were pure crackpots. In this context, the word “spinner” (= doesn’t tick properly) was often used. Thanks to this Green Wave, which has been in existence for more than 40 years, an unbelievably high level of approval can be observed among many Germans for this self-destructive policy of the Greens. It is celebrated by quite a few, formerly bourgeois parties turn green, even industries think they have to paint themselves green and always with the support of the media (about 90% belong to the SPD). In my opinion, the cause is the completely catastrophic education policy since 1970. Strictly speaking, young people are not trained, they are downright dumbed down. You can tell these people any rubbish and they are willing to believe it. They are left with believing in something because they are ignorant.
Regarding Russia: the relationship between Germans – (strictly speaking not a homogeneous group, if you only think of the relationship between the Saxons and Bavarians and the Prussians) – and Russia (and other Slavic peoples) has been a real up and down over the last 1000 years Off. The Russians (I’m not talking about the communists and socialists, they’re at least borderline everywhere) also admire German culture, German diligence and technical science. The latter have been abolished since 1998 at the latest. Conversely, there was or is the case. But today most Germans have no idea about the Russian mentality and culture. From 1945 at the latest, the Germans were fed exclusively with anti-Russia propaganda, also by western allies. A differentiation between communists and Russians was never made and I’m sure that was never desired.
Anyone in Germany today who publicly makes a factual statement about the motives of the Russians in Ukraine is entering a dangerous minefield. It is at least as dangerous as a public and critical statement about the mRNA vaccines. But that’s another topic. Even if a criticism contains factually and verifiably correct facts, it will be denounced as fake news in no time in order to maintain the official government narrative. When I was in school, public criticism was not a crime or thought crime.
D.E. Murray says
Germany may not need to import coal but you *do* because of the Green-crazies.
BTW there’s a park in NYC called Carl Schurz Park. It’s very pretty.
I agree with you.
“Strictly speaking, young people are not trained, they are downright dumbed down.”
As I was in my first year at school (6 years old) I could count to 100 and was bored in math. So I explained the kids next to me, who struggled with counting, how it works. And what happened? I was taken out of school, back into kindergarten, because I was not teachable. After being back in school, in german lessons, I wanted to know the rules of my language and the teacher refused to tell me anything, for TWO years. The explanation: I am to young to understand. But I was allready reading books (comics, I admit, but that was a good starting point).
Guess what, the teacher was a member of the Green Party.
My grandparents allways said to me: “school is not there to learn, it is there to endure!” So they tought me critical thinking and I owe them to have become who I am today.
Later, in 2005, after 12 years of working and beeing successfull with my own company, I went to university to study economics to become a teacher myself – at the higher school of trading (Höhere Handelschule, I hope the translation is correct). Guess what? I was being disqualified because I was allways thinking from the perspective of the student and my way to integrate real life experiences were not what the university wanted to achive. I was too good and made all the other students look bad by comparison. So I had to go away! It is bigotry.
My grand parents had raised me too become better, but the goal in Germany is equality. It is a shame.
About the relationship to the russians in distinction to russia it is as you say. The “normal” German is too uneducated to even understand, that there is a difference.
To tell you a part of my family history: My Family lived in the east of East Prussia, till ’45. We had our own farm with 40 hectare of land. My great grandfather wanted to escape living on the edge of Prussia, Poland and Russia, so he settled in ’25 with his wife in the Ruhr-Area (Ruhrgebiet). He had 8 sibling, none survived the war, so he was the last branch of the family tree.
But there was no hatred for the russians in my family. I learned that we are all only humans, with all our qualities and flaws. What we hated? Nazis, because they started the war and they did not let our family evacuate in time.
And to speak agains the common narrative is really like talking to the hand (you know the scene from the movie Terminator?). And then the hand slaps you in the face you are being told to be a victim of russian propaganda and then you are silenced.
My gandfather allways said that the russian army is like a Dampfwalze (steamroller). You can slow it down but in the end it will allways squash you. So we never believed that Ukraine would be able to stop them. But you can not tell anyone, because you will be branded as a conspiracy theorist or a Putinversteher (Putin understanding person) or Plemm Plemm (a moron).
And it all got worse in march 2018 when the “Netzwerkdurchsetzungsgesetz” (Network enforcment law) started. I worked for FB at that time and the policy was to not undermine free speech, so if there was an interpretation that was ok in a post, it would not be erased.
Since the law began it changed into: If there is an interpretation that may be not ok, the post was to be deleted. I had seen many posts of the ASOW-battalion reeking of nazi worship, which is forbidden in Germany. Till march 2018 no one noticed and we nearly never got a complaint, after march everything regarding to ASOW was deleted, even if there was no complaint. And I believe because of this censorship one in Germany got even the chance to get to know anything about nazism in Ukraine. So now it is communicable to the public that there are no nazis in Ukrain at all, because there is no proof.
Just to make it clear, I immediatly quit my job because I could not be a part of censorship of this magnitude. It was and is simply not moral. But FB was fair and understood my concerns, so we parted on good terms.
The problem with this censorship is that in the German Grundgesetz (our constitution, for lack of a another word) it says in article 5 (1), last sentence: Eine Zensur findet nicht statt (censorship does not happen)
Our german politicians have failed us, are continuing to do so and no one notices. Quite the opposite, the masses are applauding the government for destroying free speech and our economy. With the EU it seems to become more and more a Räterepublik (council republic) not unlike what I learned about how communism worked.
It is a disaster!!!
Interesting post. I was a h.s. exchange student in Hamburg in ’85, stayed with a wealthy host family on Eppendorfer Landstrasse. As an American from small town Midwest I was quite impressed! My people were German Catholic farmers; a different mentality I would say from the northern Protestants. Anyway, I was lectured to many times by the superior Germans. At the time I didn’t realize how much of German industry was fueled by cheap coal and gas from the East. The current war in Ukraine has laid that relationship bare. I haven’t been back for 20 years but I think a lot has changed since then. Though the Midwest is quiet and family-oriented (perhaps even boring) it does seem like a safe zone of sanity for the foreseeable future.
British senior military officers are unhinged. Lord Dannatt, former Chief of the General Staff, is now quoted as saying that British soldiers need to be prepared to fight in Europe again.
Britain has always been a naval power and our land military capability has never been so impressive except at very few moments in history. Despite what most of our population is brainwashed to believe.
WW1 is the only major Continental war where we can claim that our land forces played an equal top billing role (with France and latterly the US) in achieving victory. WW2 on land was won by the Soviets, of course.
Maritime power has always been our “thing” but today’s surface navy seems to be focused on pocket sized aircraft carriers to host cocktail parties and intimidate third rate powers that any serious enemy would be able to destroy very quickly.
Another so called UK think tank director tweeted last night that grain exports from Odessa are only stopped because Turkey lacks the guts to allow NATO ships to enter the Black Sea. Someone sensibly replied by asking him if he wants to start WW3. Quite apart from Turkey’s obligation with respect to the Montreux Convention, of course, and the centuries long international tensions over navigation of military vessels through the Straits. As ever, the rules based order is intended to be one sided.
I have no idea what these gentlemen are smoking in Whitehall but it must be good stuff. Given that the ignominious retreat from Kabul was less than one year ago it might be expected that (ignoring the morality) practical reflection on the failure would be called for prior to seeking to ramp up yet more military operations. Shocking.
Levine – what a beauty he has become. It was all worth it.
D.E. Murray says
Movie recommendation: Idiocracy.
It’s a documentary, but quite funny.
D.E. Murray says
If there are any Brits here, I’d appreciate an answer to this. It seems to me that war fever in Britain is way higher in your country than in the US.
The US is a big country & it could be different elsewhere but in my neck of the woods there is zero war fever. I hardly even see Ukr flags. But even if I did I think that kind of support is a mile wide & an inch deep. Empty virtue signalling.
What’s it like in Britain? Strikes me that your leadership is doing all it can to whip up war fever. But maybe I’m wrong.
I replied below but it did not seem to attach to your message.
Larry, fyi, if you are Russian, deminutive/familiar form of Vladimir is Volodya, NOT Vlad. An easy mistake to make, and not really important, but it bugs me immesely.
Please keep up your yeoman’s work.
Greetings from Montenegro
Larry Johnson says
Thanks. I will avoid that mistake in the future and will correct now.
I am overawed by hor stunning your transgenders are. How could a poor, third world country like Thailand fail to be impressed. I mean look at our sorry comparisons:
In my neck of the woods in suburban Surrey I do not sense any war fever on the ground at all. One of the local boat clubs has a Ukraine flag flying but I have not seen too many others at all. The John Lewis department store in Kingston (the archetypical middle England brand albeit going woke these days) did have a Help Ukraine appeal notice at the cash tills but this has been taken down now.
My sense is that the political, media and military “elites” are far more enthusiastic than the archetypal man on the clapham omnibus.
Boris Johnson fancies himself as Churchill and is also seeking to divert attention from all his other problems. These range from parties during lockdown through to the recent rebellion by his own party, likely by election losses and increasing discontent as inflation bites. We are also seeing the first national rail strike for decades this week.
Being feted by Zelensky in Ukraine and pretending to be an imperialist power is far more fun than addressing issues closer to home.
D.E. Murray says
Sounds as if the situation in UK is the same as here. Support for Ukraine is a mile wide and an inch deep. Biden is even attempting in his half-a$$ed way to cool down the fire-breathing rhetoric. But the vast majority of Americans don’t know anything about the incremental NATO encroachment on Russia, how we screwed them during the early 90s, and so on, so they are prey to the propaganda machine. But still, good news.
That is correct.
Right now I am in Ukraine’s neighbor Hungary. Have not seen a single Ukrainian flag or any signs of support. That may reflect the governments stance too.
But your summation seems apt.
Well done, this one will be shared!
the article is fabulous..I honestly laughed from the second to the end..unfortunately this is the reality … we in the west still can’t understand that the reality on the ground has changed dramatically in the last 20 years. Gone are the days when Heinz Wilhelm Guderian conceived the blitzkrieg and when Karl Dönitz ran one of the most technologically advanced navies in the world. both Germany and Japan were simply emptied of technological patents, scientists, engineers, and technicians who were able to create a military superpower in America due to the stolen technological base and an almost unlimited budget that also came from war booty.